Wife HATES business... Best way to get out?

[CasinoMike]

Hello everyone. I don't post much but this site has been a huge resource for me over the past 3 years as we planned for, purchased, and improve our tavern based business. So, thanks...

Unfortunately, we're barely six months in to turning this place around and my wife and partner HATES (yes, hates enough to warrant all caps) this business, to the point where if we can't get out soon I'm seriously concerned about our personal status as well. So, I'm hoping to be able to give enough info (feel free to ask for more) to get some good advice on how to best proceed from here.

Bought the place on 7/1/08. Real Estate and Business in a small town in South Central Wisconsin. Huge opportunity here, 6600 s.f. on two levels that includes a 4-lane bowling lounge (which we updated/replaced), large bar and "pub kitchen", and a huge 3000 sf banquet hall w/ private bar & kitchen as well. Got it for a great deal at $260K lock, stock and barrell (RE alone appraised out at 280K) and we put another $100K or so into it to repair the building, bowling alleys, and make other cosmetic and operational improvements.

Business has been dead for last 2-7 years because of bad owners. We came in, cleaned it up, brought it into the 2000s (we're the only bar around with nice HDTV's, etc.) made it non-smoking (by choice - and frankly the new owner would most likely do better taking it back to smoking until WI gets a ban), and bringing in DJs & music. You can see the place at www.acesofplain.com (http://www.acesofplain.com) or on myspace www.myspace.com/acesofplain (http://www.myspace.com/acesofplain)

We grossed about 40K in Q4 (double the previous owner). I'm still getting caught up on my accounting but we're certainly not making a living yet. We're on the right track but it doesn't matter cause when Mama ain't happy, no one is happy so this place has got to go!

Here are my options as I see them..

1. Sell the place outright incl RE. We've put an ad out on craigslist trying to sell the place including the RE at a listing price of $395K. If we can get $375K this is basically what we've got into the place. Its a good price, probably less than the value of the RE + FF&E. I hate the idea of using a RE broker/agent cause I feel they'd do very little for a $20K+ payday.

2. Keep the RE and offer the business alone up for lease. Problem with this option for me right now is knowledge - I have no idea what I'd be getting into here and what I'd be responsible for and how I'm "tied" to the owners decisions regarding how the business affects the building.

3. Sell the RE to a commercial investor and sell the business to another business person.

Ah nuts, this post is taking too long and I've got to open up in a few minutes. I'll come back and finish up my thoughts, but your initial input and/or questions would certainly be welcome until then.

Thank you!
Casino Mike

[owneroper]

why not try and hire somebody to run it for you until the economy gets better? Where's scott he's always looking for a job

[Jallen0]

Are you covering your expenses? Are you willing to trust another person to run it for you while you step back, take nothing but whatever profit comes along? Why exactly DO they hate the business?

Also have you been to "The Show"? If not, take them there, let them get revitalized and allow them to hear the stories of others who may be in the same situation as you.

Just a few quick thoughts.

[BARTENDER 54]

Mike,
Hell man the honeymoon hasn't wore off yet...
That sucks, you haven't given yourself time to be successful. Six months does not an attempt make..
I know how your wife feels about hating the place...mine feels the same way..but my place has consumed 12 years of my life...and my wife wants me back... God only knows why.
Hell man, you've got a nice looking place, clean, AND SMOKE FREE...and NO you don't want to go back to that...it's only a matter of time and the whole damn country is going to be there....anyway, it's more family friendly this way.
The kid who purchased the BA here a year ago went smoke free...pretty brave move...but it's working.
How big is Plain??? Are ya doin' any kid stuff..Like Sat. afternoon leagues.. or birthday parties and stuff like that...or get hooked up with the PE teacher at school and have bowling on week day mornings for "lifetime sports" or a multitude of other stuff to get the younger generation into bowling...I mean, who can resist a little kid whining and throwing a fit to go bowling????

And the ultimate question...Who's screwing around???? (if anyone)...I'M NOT IMPLYING ANYTHING...It just seems that something pretty majorly dramatic has happened to pull the plug this early.

I was told a long time ago by an old businessman/bartender (so you can take it for whatever). He said that when you get into a business and you lay your heart and soul on the line as well as your lifes savings....You'd better be ready to walk away from a relationship to save your dream....NOT THAT YOU WOULD...but you must have that attitude that you would.
Ya gotta give it a chance....unless you want to get into the BA flipping bizz.

Best of luck...on what ever you decide to do...Me, I'd find a person that I had some serious dirt on...make him/her the manager...and hold the dirt over their head, that if they screw up...they are toast.
Anyway good luck..and I mean that,
Rick

[Ruben]

Why do they hate it soooo much? Why did they get into it in the first place?

Like mentioned before why not hire someone that has experience and you go in check up once a week or so

[BARTENDER 54]

Ruben,
I'm sorta guessin' you're not married are ya???
I think it has something to do with something or some one is stealing time away from the one that is supposed to be nurtured...NOT THE DAMNED BAR..

You are to be sharing your time with your spouse not your new floor tiles, ceiling tiles, water heater, flush valve in the girls RR, the thermo coupler on the oven..again, the ice machine, the tea machine, the furnace in the lounge, the new 22 year old server you just hired and on and on and on.

Most of the "guys" I know in this business either get out to save a marriage or lose it in the divorce settlement. You know how time consuming it is....that time...so I've heard...is to be spent holding hands with your wife when she wants to watch episode 271 of Matlock that she has seen 47 times already...but it is a "special moment" that only a married guy can appreciate.

Women are sorta funny that way...they don't want something taking the time that is supposed to be allotted to them....like typing a post @ 5:10 in the morning when you are to be in bed with them.....

Anywho...I gotta go...later,
Rick

[Ruben]

Yea i'm not married at all :(

I know what you mean though some what. My gf is the same. When with them they dont want to hear you talk business or anything even though she works in the industry as well lol

Its a love hate game of course. YOu spend to much time on one thing they might especially if that thing isnt them

[bruce]

You guy's are doing things wrong. You are supposed to have your other half run the business while you do the support work. Make her the boss and give her enough rope so that she can just barely hang on with your help. This makes you indespensable and gives her a reason for keeping you around. A second job or business that you have to split your time with makes it easier to get along.

[Dynamic Digital]

My question is why do they hate it?

[BARTENDER 54]

Digital,


See above...
People, not just women, like to be the center of attention in a relationship..the "focal point" so to speak....or anyway for the most part...
some wish to be out of the relationship..but for the most part they wish to be "it"...ie; watching episode #271 of Matlock....AGAIN
So therefore when something else comes into the relationship, that they so carefully covet, and threatens their high post, they have a slight tendency to get a little defensive or protective of their feelings and position in said relationship and they want to KILL whatever it is that is interfering with said life... ask my wife...
And there are very few things that take as much of your attention away from your relationship as a business...especially if it is struggling...and you are putting all of your attention to the biz...I guarantee someone is going to get pissed. Man or woman, it makes no difference.

Anyway so much for your relationship class for today, see ya next week, and next time wear some pants.

Your friend and mine,
Rick

[Ruben]

I would assume that shes not getting enough time out of her husban the way she wants. Thats a girls thing they want all the time to themselves!

Also a girl i was seeing didnt like me working in the clubs ... well i said ok fine and i left for a couple of weeks got so pissed off and went back lol You cant always please them they have to deal with your nature! They either marry you because they love you or marry you because of your money heheh well I dont have money so yea LOOL

[owneroper]

uhhh that works two ways "gentlemen" ask Havens. I told my better half I didnt want to hear a word for one year no matter how much time I spent on the bar. Its worked out pretty well, he left 8 months ago. KIDDING , However I new how much time it would take and after a year and half it has slowed down considerably.

[HYDDYN MAVURIK]

Why do they hate it soooo much? Why did they get into it in the first place?

Honest questions.



Ruben, I'm sorta guessin' you're not married are ya???

Oh, boy.:rolleyes:

I think it has something to do with something or some one is stealing time away from the one that is supposed to be nurtured...NOT THE DAMNED BAR
..

Well, I guess they should get out of bar business and nuture each other, then. :rolleyes:


You are to be sharing your time with your spouse not your new floor tiles, ceiling tiles, water heater, flush valve in the girls RR, the thermo coupler on the oven..again, the ice machine, the tea machine, the furnace in the lounge, the new 22 year old server you just hired and on and on and on.
Most of the "guys" I know in this business either get out to save a marriage or lose it in the divorce settlement.

You know how time consuming it is....that time...so I've heard...is to be spent holding hands with your wife when she wants to watch episode 271 of Matlock that she has seen 47 times already...but it is a "special moment" that only a married guy can appreciate.

Married men like to watch MATLOCK with their wives for romance and special moments?!! Andy Griffith?

Your wives are laughing at you. Start looking for the cameras. ;)


Women are sorta funny that way...they don't want something taking the time that is supposed to be allotted to them....like typing a post @ 5:10 in the morning when you are to be in bed with them...

That will change when you are watching tooo much MATLOCK and you are around her too much. She will be the one posting at 5:10 in the morning. She'll have a paper route and she'll buy a bar to work on and to get away from the house. :)

Anywho...I gotta go...later,
Rick


Yea i'm not married at all :(



Ruben--

I hope that you marry someone who doesn't like MATLOCK and is just as passionate as you are about the bar business.

[Ruben]

Heheh my gf loves the industry but i get caught up in it and sometimes during the nights she stays at my club and wont be at hers lol she doesnt see my face for more then like 10 mins heheh im always running around making sure everyone is having fun. Their vip sections are perfect etc. I believe in quality of customer service! If they enjoy they always come back! :)

[tmckinney]

This is funny that every one goes through this....I just got into the biz and EVERYONE told me that it would put a "strain" on my family. I am a workoholic and currently have a day job, (asphalt plant manager) and a night job in the biz (operations manager for four restaurant/bars) and momma is not happy.

I asked for 1 year of not seeing the wife or the kids and after that I would drop one of my jobs. See if that works.

[BARTENDER 54]

DEAR ABBY,

Is there anyone out there that is in a successful relationship, that can try to explain to these guys what it takes to have a relationship...and a business..
And I'm not talking about the "one night lay" as a relationship with some little bar sleaze...I'm talking about a "long term" deal here...
Not to pull my own chain here...BUT...
I've been married to the same girl for 32 1/2 years, who happens to have a 27 yr career as a teacher...and has put up with a boat load of crap because of the bar...this business is a hell of a strain on the best of relationships, even those where both work the bar.
HYDDYN, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you've NEVER lasted too long in a relationship...
OH, and Mattlock...just an example...could be one of your favorites like
"Dancing With The Stars" or on that track, eh?
Just out of curiosity...how many women have called you an asshole, or "self centered" or "arrogant" or "egotistical" I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE...I'm just wondering if any women have ever called you that. And if any have then your post is completely understandable.
Any "meaningful" relationship is a two way street...about 8 lanes each way... and remember you are married to your spouse...NOT the business...

Anyway, have a real great day,
Rick

[seed]

Good points on relationships! My wife and I have been together for ten years and married for five. We get along great and are very similar people. When we started our concrete pumping business. My old boss told me. Allen, No matter what the most important thing in your life is that girl you go to sleep beside at night. This is from a man who tossed love for money and he is a miserable prick! I will never forget that advice! The tavern we are diligently giving our all to open was the end to the old owners relationship. It could mean nothing because good relationships start with strong foundations and trust!

[HYDDYN MAVURIK]

I thought that it was "for better, for worse" in love and in commerce. Nothing is ever guaranteed.

If you lose it, you never had it to begin with. You can get relationships and businesses. It is all about the journey.

[BARTENDER 54]

Owneroper,

IT'S YOUR TURN !!!!!!!

[owneroper]

dont make me get on my male bashing soap box, I can see I am out numbered here. Trust me the male persuasion is no better and yeah mine likes matlock too. We have seen every epsiods and startin on reruns so I do understand

I feel badly for casinomike, I agrree the honeymoon period aint even over. My dear abby advice, I would worry about the status of the relationship with or without the bar, something aint right and it started long before the bar.

[allanjustallan]

They are into it for 360, only grossing 40,000 over 3 months.

Jeesh no wonder the stress level is high right now. No way to turn a profit with such low gross. They have to be on the road to bankruptcy.

Money problems are the number one reason why couples break up, he is smart to want to unload, huge amount of stress with no life and no profit and possibly soon no wife due to the stress.

Very expensive life lesson, hope it all works out for them, I really do.

Huge opportunity, I think NOT, but then again I was told I was a fool for buying my bar, so who knows,

Allan.

[seed]

Matlock, Hell I am 33 and used to love that show as a kid! Andy Griffith was great too! They just do not make shows lik that anymore!

[HYDDYN MAVURIK]

Matlock, Hell I am 33 and used to love that show as a kid! Andy Griffith was great too! They just do not make shows lik that anymore!

Nostalgia is a beyotch and then you realize how much you've become like your parents. :D

I think that after watching many years of television...I can respect the content over the years but I could honestly say that I would never trust having purely wholesome content. You never really get the whole dynamic of a person in that vein.
We can talk about morals...but there are always the other sides of a human being that are dark. Andy Griffith could be the most evil SOB on the planet but we wouldn't know because we see him as mild mannered "Sheriff Andy Taylor" in THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW...and the rural legal head MATLOCK. Remember Hollywood is the land of dreams...and those dreams suspend the disbelief in one's real life at times.

But I also don't like extreme reality TV. People can become downers with that sort of thing.

Television has to have a middle ground. To be believable.

[owneroper]

allen I agree about the stress and 40000 but he doesnt seem to indicate that. His post to me says he is pleased with his results and working it and she isnt. And here is something else crazy I assumed "somebody put a lot of thought into this project before they invested all that money" Oh wait this is the bar business, where people think its all fun and games.

[Ruben]

You married me for who I am and what i was so now understand, this is what i am and lets just live the way we've been living since you met me.

If you enjoy what you do no matter if sometimes it might drive you up the wall but they also have to understand some people the industry is their lives. THye dont have a degree to fall back on. Women have to realize that you kow what he did this in the past and he loves it why am i going to take it away from him to be bitching after. Sure just tell us look could you spend some more time with me i dont want to take you from your place but id like to be with you some more hours a week.

[bruce]

If we are need a time for stress relief, try looking at the picture in this site. "Lyle, Washington" offical community website. This is where I go every day to let my problems float away.

[Ruben]

YTou have a direct link?

[BARTENDER 54]

Ruben,
Jeeez man, did you have a bad weekend or what....here, take two of these and everything will be better in the morning....
I think if you look back to the original post they started this together.
I tried that line on my wife just once, about this is what I was when we met thing, she really didn't think at the time that I really was serious about being a gigolo....who'd a thunk it.
I see your point, if...if he was in the bar first and they met and married, then she flipped. But it sure sounds like they started the venture together...
Normally, I would agree with the notion that "you knew what to expect ..but in the bar business....you NEVER know what to expect...I mean you have a general thought, but...This is definitely the business of SHIT HAPPENS....
You can plan to the max, read everything on the subject, ask everyone possible for advice, work for years in a bar, even write a book or two on the ownership/ operations of such....and still lose your ass...just because, you guessed it.....SHIT HAPPENS
And as stated before...Even under the BEST of situations, this business is hard on relationships...and when things are a little off it, makes it that much tougher....
I don't know...maybe you've never poured your heart and soul and ALL of your financial resources into a project and worked your asses off 20 hours every day to try to make something out of nothing....I have, a couple of times and I've been fortunate to have a VERY understanding spouse at my side. When business is stressed, so is your relationship....Yeah, your right HYDDYN, it is for better or worse!!!! But that is something that I have been through and so I CAN speak from experience... Ya ever notice that most "marriage councilors" have never been married or that "child psychologists" don't have any kids, or that most "business analysts" have never been in a business?

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Mike, what did you do before you opened the BA?? Is it possible for you to go back to that and keep the business going?? Or what did your wife do pre-BA, is it something she could go back to until the place was making some cash???
Like I stated before, you haven't been there long enough to give it a chance to make any money....
Anyway, Best of lick to ya, that's luck....I gotta move that "i" key,
Rick

[Ruben]

yea iv been having a really bad month since decemeber :/ gf issues and everything lol

[bruce]

Ruben, Better check out my picture too. The grass is green on top.

[HYDDYN MAVURIK]

I tried that line on my wife just once, about this is what I was when we met thing, she really didn't think at the time that I really was serious about being a gigolo....who'd a thunk it.
I see your point, if...if he was in the bar first and they met and married, then she flipped. But it sure sounds like they started the venture together...
Normally, I would agree with the notion that "you knew what to expect ..but in the bar business....you NEVER know what to expect...I mean you have a general thought, but...This is definitely the business of SHIT HAPPENS....
You can plan to the max, read everything on the subject, ask everyone possible for advice, work for years in a bar, even write a book or two on the ownership/ operations of such....and still lose your ass...just because, you guessed it.....SHIT HAPPENS!!!
And as stated before...Even under the BEST of situations, this business is hard on relationships...and when things are a little off it, makes it that much tougher....
I don't know...maybe you've never poured your heart and soul and ALL of your financial resources into a project and worked your asses off 20 hours every day to try to make something out of nothing....I have, a couple of times and I've been fortunate to have a VERY understanding spouse at my side. When business is stressed, so is your relationship...Yeah, your right HYDDYN, it is for better or worse (love and commerce) !!!! But that is something that I have been through and so I CAN speak from experience...

Ya ever notice how even coaches no matter how much experience and advice can give a football team...the team can still give all and lose the game?

Ya ever notice that most "marriage councilors" have never been married or that "child psychologists" don't have any kids, or that most "business analysts" have never been in a business?

And did you ever think that they would be making money at it, too? Lotsa money. EVEN, coaches. :D


Yeah, your wife has a lot invested in you though. A lot of years. A LOT of years. A lot of MATLOCK episodes. A lot of nurturing. She can't afford to leave you. :rolleyes:

[BARTENDER 54]

Well, my, my, my Dog gone it, I guess this means we'll never get to go out on that date you wanted.
Later,
Rick


Hang in there Mike, You guys had to of hashed all this out before ya bought the place...So what could of happened that turned things sour?? Hours, ass holes, working your butts off for little reward??? There has to be something there that "broke the camels back"... Ya never did say how big Plains is, I'm assuming it's pretty rural???
Are you still alive???? You haven't posted in a while, just wondering.
Rick

[ca. club owner]

gezzz.... sounds like a mess... I understand what this fella is going through. Have I ever been married, not even close. Have I thought about it, sure but I knew it wasnt ever going to happen as long as I was in this business. Living in CA you have a very good chance of getting into major trouble with women.

Every ordeal is different for its own reasons. Like someone had said on here, you had to have some kinda talk about what your lives would be like if you started the business. I mean it always sounds good with pillow talk. Then it goes either left or right. It sounds to me like it went all the way left fast.. Being in the business long enough you hear alot of different things. Selling sounds like your only option that you have gave yourself. By not really getting a full year under your belt. You really havent gave it a chance to work. An man I would hate to be around an you sale. Then a year later the place becomes the talk of the town. It will get ugly in the house again for different reasons. Its dam near a no win. But it sounds like TIME is the biggest problem. Untill you sale or come up with a different ave. You might try taking a day out of the week an just spend the whole day with her. ( thats if you have manager that can handle it for a day ) Or maybe cut the hours maybe open a lil later or close a lil earlier. Because if keeping her happy is the name of this game you have got to do something.

Wish you the best of luck, me personally I would keep the business. The wife an I would have to discuss how we can meet in the middle. Because 2 people can neva live the same dream the same.

[HYDDYN MAVURIK]

Well, my, my, my Dog gone it, I guess this means we'll never get to go out on that date you wanted.
Later,
Rick




<sarcasm>:( Yeah, all hell would break loose if you missed MATLOCK and all that nurturing. It never would've worked out between us anyway. :rolleyes: I am not a MATLOCK guy. :rolleyes: I am not nurturer. :rolleyes: I am a simple guy. I like Ultimate Fighting Championship matches and the SCI-FI channel.

You wouldn't want your wifey calling OnStar, searching on Google EARTH, doing GPS tracking on ya and having you on CHEATERS with Joey Greco?

Cheating with a man :eek:...that would make her feel...well... like watching Jerry Springer reruns on YouTube instead of MATLOCK and begin nurturing that pint of Ben and Jerry's. And that is goshdarnit, dagnabbit wrong. I couldn't bear to have that happen to your wife or have you go through such an ordeal. </sarcasm>